Music Review: disc #69

 This one comes from Winter 2012/2013 and I think it's a disc I made to back-up some of the 80s rock songs I'd gathered on my iTunes.  We're definitely going to be looking back to my glam metal phase today.

1. The Bangles - Hazy Shade Of Winter 💜
The fade-in, slow intro that fools you into thinking you're about to listen to something calm, before hitting you with the guitars and drums that properly start this song, is genius.  I first heard this when I saw Less Than Zero (terrible movie, decent book, amazing soundtrack) and this song is a stand-out.  Straight away I found myself comparing them to Bananarama who I wrote about in my last entry and I can confirm that The Bangles have much better harmonies.  I love the feeling of urgency in this song, like everything is slipping out of control.  I'm not sure whether it's the speed, the key or a combination of all of the elements that make it feel that way but it really feels like an adventure. 

2. Suzi Quatro - Can The Can 🟢

I didn't immediately recognise this song although I knew it was going to be some glam rock because it has those drums that every glam song has.  This isn't as good as The Wild One but I think if I'd been young in the 70s I would have loved this.  I can't name another woman from the glam rock era who is as well-known as Suzi Quatro, she really is the queen of the scene and she says fuck boys, turn this song up loud instead.  Can The Can sounds so much like 1973 and I can't help but wonder how it would sound if it was re-recorded with more modern production.

3. Skid Row - 18 & Life 🟢

This song is B-tier Skid Row - not as good as Youth Gone Wild or I Remember You, but still pretty good.  18 & Life is a classic 80s hair metal ballad - not particularly special but not a bad example.  Sebastian Bach has a great voice for the genre and he sounds good but I can't make out what he's saying half the time.

4. Bon Jovi - Wanted (Dead Or Alive) 🔵

I'm a little bit embarrassed to be rating a Bon Jovi song so highly.  It starts with windchimes and then a big 80s synth bottom line for some ambience.  I don't particularly get Jon Bon Jovi's Western fantasy but this is another great 80s hair metal ballad.  Like 18 & Life, it's not a love song - it's about being a man and a badass and a delinquent or something.  This song includes the line "I've seen a million faces - and I've rocked them all" which is possibly the cheesiest line in all of 80s hair metal but it's a fun song to sing along to for sure.  The outro is pretty class too.  Probably my favourite Bon Jovi song.

5. The Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian 💜

This is a certified classic - faultless and so much fun.  Walk Like An Egyptian is one of those 80s songs that's still known and loved by everyone today and there is good reason for that.  I love the lines about "the school kids so sick of books, they like the punk and the metal bands" and "if you wanna find all the cops, they're hanging out in the donut shop".  If this song doesn't make you dance, or at least crack a smile, there's something wrong with you.  

6. Rainbow - Since You've Been Gone 🟢

This is one of those songs that used to get played on my local radio station's Saturday night rock show a lot.  It's got too much of a middle-aged, long hair and unwashed biker jacket rocker vibe for me to be truly into it; it's a good song but there's no danger in it.  I'm glad the guitar solo in the middle of the song doesn't go on too long.  The one at the end takes the piss a little bit but the main riff is a classic.

7. Steel Panther - Death To All But Metal 🟡

Did I ever truly find Steel Panther funny?  Not especially.  They were just breaking into the mainstream rock press when I was getting into glam metal so their first album became part of my diet but this is the only song I kept from it, which doesn't say much for the others.  It's a fair pastiche of the genre and they've managed to build a career out of the parody - when I saw them they were supporting Def Leppard and Mötley Crüe on tour so that one line in this song asking where those bands were was particularly interesting.  I know this song is supposed to be satirical but I don't really like the sexism and homophobia in the lyrics - calling Britney Spears a slut, suggesting we kill and then rape Madonna, and calling all of the rappers mentioned 'gay' or 'f*g'... that doesn't sit well with me even when rappers get away with it. 

8. Pat Benatar - Heartbreaker 🟢

Pat Benatar has a great voice for 80s rock but this doesn't have the same punch as some of her other hits.  She's kind of got the attitude of Suzi Quatro mixed with that of Bonnie Tyler here.  There's some falsetto which I'm not sure about, and the production doesn't sound good although I think that could be the quality of the mp3 I downloaded.  

9. Metallica - Fuel 🔵

I wasn't into metal growing up so this is the only Metallica song that I both know and like.  It landed on my radar when I was about 10 and heard Avril Lavigne's cover of it, which I think I prefer to the original.  It's a thrilling song filled with adrenaline but there's too much guitar solo in it and it would have been perfect as a 2-3 minute hardcore song. 

10. Lita Ford - Falling In And Out Of Love 🟡

Another power ballad and one that I couldn't place immediately.  I was really into Lita Ford in my glam phase because I was a big fan of The Runaways and I thought it was cool that she went from their guitarist to the number one woman in the 80s glam metal scene.  Unfortunately, I don't think that many of her songs are that good.  I had this one because Nikki Sixx wrote it and mentioned it in his Heroin Diaries book (they dated a couple of years before he gave her this song).  Lita's not a great singer and while I admire her guitar ability, it doesn't really do anything for my musical enjoyment and I got a bit bored listening to this one.  I still think she is the coolest though, she can step on me.  

11. Simple Minds - Don't You (Forget About Me) 💜

This song is anthemic and if you're not throwing your fist in the air like Judd Nelson when you hear the intro then you and I are very different people.  I love The Breakfast Club so this song has an emotional weight for me.  Its flaws are that the hushed vocal is quite difficult to sing along to and it drags on a little bit towards the end, but it'll allow it.

12. Mötley Crüe - Come On And Dance 🟢

The early Mötley Crüe sound is so cheap and heavy and glam and poorly recorded but that is part of the charm of their first album. Vince Neil can't sing but Mick Mars has a great guitar part in this.  You can tell that they're having a good time making this record even if there is far too much cowbell in it, and it's a good indication of a young band who are going to become big stars in a couple of records' time.  

13. Aerosmith - Walk This Way 🟢

The OG.  This song is good but the Run-D.M.C. cover is definitely an upgrade - the original Aerosmith chorus is just not as good.  This is the second song in a row that abuses the cowbell but the song has a groove and Steven Tyler's fast-paced delivery of the verses is impressive, it's easy to see why it was plucked out to become a huge rap-rock crossover hit.  The guitar part at the end is a pisstake solo though, goes on for too long.

14. Pat Benatar - Hit Me With Your Best Shot 🔵

Another song that's great to sing along to.  It reminds me of a couple of things - the scene in Rock Of Ages where Catherine Zeta-Jones sings it with her PMRC group, and Guitar Hero; one of the games has this song in its first level.  I recently had a go at playing it on guitar for real and it's a really fun song to play.  It's better than Heartbreaker and maybe my favourite of her songs. 

15. Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name 🟢

This is one of the cheesiest and most cliché 80s hair metal songs.  The woman in the lyrics sounds like an absolute legend and I want to be her friend.  Bon Jovi sound so shiny, professional and corporate compared to some of the earlier songs in this mix. 

16. Quiet Riot - Cum On Feel The Noize 🟢

A time is going to come where I have to write about Slade in this series and I am dreading that day because I hate them and their stupid misspelled song titles.  However, Quiet Riot make this song acceptable to me and makes sense in an 80s glam metal context as a bridge between 70s UK glam rock and 80s US hair metal.  I don't know my glam metal history as well as I did when I was 18 but I think this was one of the first songs to bring the Sunset Strip sound to the mainstream.  They sound like they're having a good time, but the song is just a bit too long. 

17. Nick Gilder - Roxy Roller 🔵

I've always been a bit unsure of this song and Nick Gilder in general.  Roxy Roller sounds like a glam rock song written for a fictional glam rock band from a 90s/00s movie about the scene.  The sound effects on it are really cool and I love Nick Gilder's androgynous vocals, but he's always been a bit of a mystery to me,  A bit of Googling has told me that this song should actually be credited to his band, Sweeney Todd, and that this was a big hit in his native Canada.  I feel like it should be one of those songs that's revered by kids on the internet now who are into the glam aesthetic, sitting alongside Bowie and Bolan and Roxy Music, but I don't hear much about it.  Anyway it sits firmly in the 'good glam' category - it's fun, doesn't last too long and has a sexy ending. 

18. Aerosmith - Dude (Looks Like A Lady) 🟢

Onto a song that does last too long.  It's another of the most cliché 80s rock songs, it's Aerosmith adapting to the hair metal scene.  The song is is chunky and busy and it's a good time, but it doesn't really go anywhere so it gets a little dull.  Steven Tyler does some good yelping towards the end which is almost enough to keep it interesting.  Minus points because I bet there are transphobes out there who think this is an acceptable thing to sing at people whose gender doesn't conform to their standards.

19. The B-52s - Rock Lobster 🔵

This mix ends with some new wave.  Rock Lobster is featured in some edgelord TV show, probably Family Guy, which ruins its appeal for me, but it is such a bop and I think fondly on it from the Muppets Tonight cover that I watched a lot as a kid.  It has a great bass line and a surf rock parody vibe (but in a loving way).  I love the sounds of the B-52s' voices and how Fred Schneider kind of speaks his vocals.  I think this is a 12" edit because it's almost 7 minutes long, which is a bit too much for me.  At around 2:30 the music gives off the impression of sinking into the ocean, which happens a couple more times - every time you think you've sunk to the bottom and drowned that bass line creeps back up on you and drags you back into the madness.  It has peril and plot and go-go dancing potential, like a cool version of Under The Sea from The Little Mermaid where everyone has completely lost their minds.  The section near the end where they start naming sea creatures and doing impressions is insane.  I love it.  

Music Review: The Best Of Bananarama

 

Before I say anything about Bananarama I want to make it very clear that I did not acquire this CD from buying a copy of The Mail On Sunday.  Fuck the Daily Mail.  Anyway, I used to work in a charity shop and from time to time customers would donate the CDs and DVDs that came free with their newspapers.  We didn't sell them in the shop so they'd sit in the back room for the volunteers to sift through and take if there was anything they fancied, and then they'd be tossed in the skip.  That's how I ended up with The Best Of Bananarama. 

I know a handful of Bananarama hits but this is the first time I've ever sat down and listened to them at length.  First off I want to say that I think Bananarama is a terrible name for a band.  I also don't rate this cardboard sleeve very highly - what are those outfits meant to be?  Lets talk about the music though.

1. Venus 🟢

As soon as this starts it sounds so 80s and so obviously produced by Stock Aitken Waterman.  I'm going to complain about SAW a lot over the next 15 songs.  One thing I've always wondered about Bananarama is why they always seem to sing in unison - it sounds like there's always three voices but they all sound the same with no harmony, which is kind of unusual.  This cover isn't as good as Shocking Blue's original but it's out there doing it for the gay club.  Every time they say "and Venus was her name" I think of "B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o" which is pretty annoying, thanks to my brain for that one.  Since it's a cover of a Shocking Blue 60s hit, there's not much to move the song along so at 2:40 I was looking at the clock on the CD player thinking the song was starting to drag on a bit and there was another full minute after that of them repeating the chorus.  And Venus was her name-o.  

2. Love In The First Degree 🟢

Again, the SAW production hits you in the face.  It sounds a lot like Kylie - you could imagine I Should Be So Lucky to follow the intro instead of hearing Bananarama.  They don't sound like they're good singers - they're like a group of girls out on a karaoke night, but they sound like they're having a really good time doing it and I'm happy for them.  Again, it has big gay club vibes.

3. I Want You Back 🟡

Sadly not a Jackson 5 cover like I was hoping, even though I could see the songwriting credit on the back of the CD case.  The SAW production sounds so dated and so much like early Kylie, it's starting to get me down.  No wonder Siobhan quit and formed Shakespear's Sister, I'd go goth from the misery of having to be in this sausage machine band-producer relationship.  And once again, it sounds so g a y.

[Pride (2014) gifs found here]

4. Robert de Niro's Waiting 🟢

This is the first song on the CD that comes from before the link-up with SAW and there's a clear difference.  The girls sing this song in a lower key which sounds easier for them and even though it lacks the hi-NRG beats, it sounds more fun.  I'm not sure whether Robert de Niro would be seen as a weird crush in 1984 - a Google search suggests he was a decent-looking guy but I don't think hearing him "talking Italian" quite matches up to the dream of "kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream".  Maybe this song is where genuine 1984 heartthrob Prince got the idea for that Manic Monday lyric, which might be the reason why I link Bananarama and The Bangles in my head.  Would it be unfair of me to call Bananarama a Primark Bangles?

5. Cruel Summer 🔵

That marimba intro is instantly recognisable.  Cruel Summer has such a good vibe - it's a summery dance song but it has this melancholy to it - it's up there in the tradition of Summertime Blues and Summertime Sadness as a reminder that sun doesn't always mean fun.  The girls sing together again but there are some good harmonies and a cool guitar part in this song.  Everything about this just sounds better than the SAW songs.

6. Really Saying Something 🔵

This is one of the Bananarama/Fun Boy Three collaboration songs.  It's not as good as It Ain't What You Do, which unfortunately isn't on this CD, but it's still funky since it has the same sort of sound.  Covering and updating a retro girl-group song really works well for the group here, there are great vocal harmonies that have been picked up from that tradition and they sound really cool.  It's a real shame that SAW ironed all of that out of them. 

7. Shy Boy 🟢

This opens with some 'shoop shoop' singing from the group.  It's not a cover of a 60s girl group song, but it's got that vibe to it and it suits them.  The song is average, but it's a good average. 

8. Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye) 🟡

Bingo adverts have ruined this song forever.  They do a good job of this cover - the crescendo of the refrain is really smart and has a football chant feel to it, although I can't picture straight men listening to Bananarama.  I'd probably rate it higher if I could separate the song from the connotation but I can't listen to it without hearing a jingle for a bingo website interrupting whatever show I'm streaming. 

9. Love, Truth and Honesty 🟠

After that respite, we're plunged back into SAW-land.  Compared with what has gone before, this just sounds really shit and badly-produced and like every other SAW song of the time.  The group aren't the strongest singers and this production highlights their limits rather than making the most of their abilities.  I don't like to be one of those people who say they liked a band's old stuff better - but Bananarama were so much better before they linked up with these garbage men!

10. I Heard a Rumour 🟡

This is a bit better and sounds like the production team has put a little more effort in.  The vocals sound stronger in the verses, but the chorus lets everything down by sounding half-arsed.  There's a bit in the chorus melody that reminds me of Teardrops by Womack & Womack and I wish I was listening to that instead. 

11. Movin' On 🟠

This is the most modern song on the CD, having been released in 1992, and they're trying to sound a little bit Eurodance.  It's not as good as what was coming out of Europe though - they kind of sound like Steps.  There's a piano part, which sounds like ABBA; a guitar solo, which sounds a bit like ABBA; and lyrics which aren't too far away from ABBA either.  However, it's got this relentless sub-Eurodance beat under it all which sounds horrible.  Bananarabba?  Abbananarama?  

12. More Than Physical 🟢

This is... funky? Even... sexy?  The vocals are sung almost in a whisper along with a funky bass that sounds like the sort of thing you might hear in a cool 80s club.  I was really impressed with this until I placed why the 'oooh yeah' part sounds familiar - it sounds exactly like the one in the chorus of What Have You Done For Me Lately by Janet Jackson, which came out the same year.  In fact, all of this has a Janet vibe - would it be rude of me to call Bananarama a Primark Janet Jackson?  The back of the CD case doesn't credit SAW with this one so I looked it up online to see if maybe it was produced by Janet's people, but Wikipedia reckons this is a SAW production after all.

13. I Can't Help It 🟠

Now, this is unmistakably a SAW production and I cringe at how predictable they are.  Without the cheesy drum beat and brass sounds that they throw into every song, this could also have been a sexy and cool pop song, but that's not the track that the producers from hell wanted to make.  I wonder whether Bananarama were impressed by the sound of More Than Physical, and the success of Venus, and signed their souls away to this team expecting more good results, but then immediately had this utter dogshit production shoved onto everything they wrote forever.

14. Only Your Love 🟢

Something edgy?!  It's 1990, and Bananarama have been to a rave! And they've ditched SAW and made something that sounds good!! Wikipedia says this samples both Loaded by Primal Scream and Fools Gold by The Stone Roses, which I think makes them the coolest indie band around?  I think if they'd given this to Rowetta or Denise Johnson it would have sounded better but it's a good effort.  Bananaramadchester.

15. Rough Justice 🟡

We end with something from earlier in their back catalogue and what appears to be socially-conscious Bananarama.  I couldn't make out enough of the lyrics to truly work out whether there was a narrative but the chorus goes on about children starving in the streets and you know Bob Geldof was taking notes (there are only four women on Do They Know It's Christmas?, and 3 of them are in Bananarama).  It's fine and makes sense as a final song, but it's not a banger. 

Overall I was kind of disappointed by this set of songs.  I was hoping to find more gems as good as Cruel Summer and It Ain't What You Do but instead I was assaulted by the insistent drum machine and fake brass and stripping out of harmony that is Stock Aitken Waterman.  The most interesting Bananarama songs are the ones they didn't get to touch and I hope I don't have to spend a lot more time with their production house as part of this project.  I won't be throwing this CD out because I have rated about half of them as above-average, but there's nothing here that would come close to being my favourite song.